The More I Think I Understand The Less I Can Explain

by Brad Olsen

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Vitamin Anarchy
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Vitamin Anarchy These days, I go back and forth from atheist to agnostic. This song reminds me of the time I felt His presence overwhelm me too, and hope to feel it again someday.

Hopeful skeptic... Favorite track: Pretty Idols.
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It’s not Doubt I’m only Tired
It’s early morning
That’s my favorite time to sing
The song that’s empty
You can fill with anything
I begin with these words that you know I know how to say
Because it’s the same song I was singing yesterday
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah rescue me
The beast within me has been coming out to play
My idea of winning is barely holding him at bay
It’s just amazing how little I have changed
With fewer tomorrows than I have yesterdays
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah rescue me
And all at once
Am I left all alone
Broken and unknown
Am I all undone
Is there no one
Late in the evening I’ve got nothing left to say
I’m feeling the weight of all I dragged around today
And tears don’t suit me but I’m crying just the same
It’s hard to run free when you’re carrying the chains
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah I’m only tired

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released December 31, 2009

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Brad Olsen Atlanta, Georgia

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Track Name: Pretty Idols
Pretty Idols
You and I can sit awhile we’ll talk about my inner smile and all the things much better left unsaid
You’ll sincerely try to understand the legend of my inner chan
And all the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
You and I can take a look through pages of my any book the one that many lucky eyes have read
And in the hope of being kind you’ll try to keep an open mind
For all the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
And there can be no one else
No one else should wonder why I’m here the situation’s very clear
Just drink the wine and eat the daily bread of little lies and little truth
Of many doubts and little proof
And all the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
And there can be no one else
No not one
No not one pure and holy one right and true
One lives in light unapproachable you
One
And in the hope of being kind you try to keep an open mind
For all the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
All the pretty idols in my head
But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
I remember
Track Name: Time To Fall Apart
Time to Fall Apart
Pick a place an empty space and I’ve been there already
Through every door I’m reaching for you with a hand unsteady
Woe is me I am undone
But surely not the only one to lose his breath when he saw your face
It’s time to fall apart
Help me I’m undone
You’re a work of art
I can’t even look upon
And I am overwhelmed
By all that’s in your heart
I can’t keep myself together now
It’s time to fall apart
Stretch out your hand unto a land so nearly now forsaken
Scan to and fro on fields we sow lie in the bed we’re making
I can’t even whisper much less shout
Press my hand over my mouth as everything about me fades away
It’s time to fall apart
Help me I’m undone
You’re a work of art
I can’t even look upon
And I am overwhelmed
By all that’s in your heart
I can’t keep myself together now
It’s time to fall apart
A voice like water falls on ears unfit to hear
And forever begs the question who can I send
Here I am
Here I am
It’s time to fall apart
Help me I’m undone
You’re a work of art
I can’t even look upon
And I am overwhelmed
By all that’s in your heart
I can’t keep myself together now
It’s time to fall apart
Track Name: Be My All In All
Be my All in All
Yesterday I took a walk around myself
Passed the place where I came from
If the whole is something greater than its parts
How great have I become
Part good and bad wrong and right
Prince of darkness child of light
Nearly never satisfied
I need someone to be my all in all
The belly’s too big the plate it is too small
All in all
Northern knowledge southern style and western wealth
Ought to be more than enough
But time and time again I get taken down too far
I feel like giving up
Down where they say the same old lies that I believed too many times
Only then to realize
I need someone to be my all in all
The belly’s too big the plate it is too small
Two eyes too wide to see
Two hands too weak to hold
A heart too hard to love
Keep lifting me up to let me fall
I need someone to be my all in all
The belly’s too big the plate it is too small
I need someone to be my all in all
The world is too big the pleasure is too small
Track Name: The Far Side Of Regret
The Far Side of Regret
Two certain over comers searching for comfort in the cold blank spaces in their minds
So unreasonably set
One at the window one by the door
And it’s more than they can do to walk across the floor
Maybe they’ll meet again on the far side of regret
A certain friend of freedom becomes a slave again
To the same recycled pattern he’s trying to forget
The strong man falls before the weak
A screaming voice with no right to speak
Maybe there will be silence on the far side of regret
Time and time and time again we’ve seen it all we’ve felt it all
Line by line we try again
To the far side of ourselves we crawl
We’re crying out what’s it about
There is no doubt
We can’t even breathe
We’re crying out what’s it about
There is no doubt
We can’t even breathe without you
A certain aimless woman drifting through a love affair
Trained by the child inside her to badly bet
She drinks the cup again to end up dry
Can’t remember when began the lie
Maybe she’ll be satisfied on the far side of regret
Time and time and time again we’ve seen it all we’ve felt it all
Line by line we try again
To the far side of ourselves we crawl
We’re crying out what’s it about
There is no doubt
We can’t even breathe
We’re crying out what’s it about
There is no doubt
We can’t even breathe without you
The desert drenched the ocean dry
The upright down left on his side
The newborn crawls the old man flies
The dust rains down on falling skies
The stars below beneath above
All peace is war all hate is love
Track Name: Uniform
Uniform
For too long I’ve been on edge
Too many nights awake on the ledge
I am sure this was not your intent
It’s only me who doesn’t know what you meant
What you told me surely sold me
But as a matter of course
I’m feeling buyer’s remorse
Still I’m wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
I’m standing still in an army of light
Every shade and we’re all dressed in white
Patiently wait for the song to begin
I do my best to make my voice fit in
And the sacred seal has never lost its appeal
Yeah I’m sure it’s only me
And too many nights of silence
Still I’m wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
I’m on my mark set to start
The shot rings out but I cannot go
I’m in the tank short of strength
But you call me out and without a doubt I know and you know
I’ll be wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
Wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
I am wearing my uniform
Wearing my uniform
For too long I’ve been on edge
Too many nights awake on the ledge
Track Name: My Girl Renee
My Girl Renee
Drink an empty cup
Upside down is right side up is right is left is left is right
Is spinning to a stand still
Sit in the sunny shade
We’re only leaving if we stay pull it out put it away don’t
If I won’t I will
She knows just why I never know
What not to say
My girl Renee
She sees me turning every way
She knows exactly what to say
My girl Renee
Falling down to stand
Walk on the ocean swim the land is can is can’t is can’t is can
It’s all so open closing in the morning night by the frozen firelight
Is right is wrong is wrong is right is not the way she rolls
She’s never seen in any shade the color grey
My girl Renee
She sees me turning every way
She knows exactly what to say
My girl Renee
And if your reasons take my legs from under me
I’ll come crawling to your door
Nobody understands the times
She knows them well
My girl Renee
She sees me turning every way
She talks to Jesus every day
My girl Renee
My girl Renee
She knows exactly what to say
She pleases me in every way
My girl Renee
Track Name: I'll Just Say Goodbye
I’ll just Say Goodbye
I’ve got so much information but I’ve never been so dumb
With all the words I should have said left sitting on my tongue
I take one more look in glassy eyes your spirit is long gone
I take my mother by the hand sign papers and we’re all done
All done
I go by the house where I first found out it’s good to be alive
No surprise to weeping eyes just one car in the drive
But your shadow still remains
I still see you working on the lawn
And as much as you would disapprove
I can’t easily move on
I will never know the reason
Not this side of the pain
The more I think I understand the less I can explain
I will never know the reason
Not this side of the pain
So I’ll just say goodbye
She was saying nothing and I said even less
But you couldn’t weigh the tears
There was no measuring the stress
A little soul we’d never hold a sly devil’s test
What put us here it isn’t clear
It’s anybody’s guess
All my words are missing another’s verse is on my mind
“Rage, rage against the dying of the light”
I never missed a theory never skipped a single prayer
Now me and all my knowledge
Can only sit and stare
The only thing I know
Is I can’t let you go
The only thing I know
Is I can’t let you go
Track Name: He Moves
He Moves
Lift your head off your own shoulder
Though it leaves you feeling older
And your fire is growing colder
With everyone you’re keeping warm
Wring your hands don’t wring your heart out
Rest yourself before you gift out
Feel the wind but don’t you dare doubt
You’ll bear up under the storm
He moves in you he moves in me
He moves in everything you see
You don’t have to change the world all alone
Lift your eyes and look above it
No one said you’re going to love it
If you have to push and shove it
But then leave it where it lies
What is there to do about it
You can live with or without it
Everyone might hear you shout it
But they will never hear you cry
In the hollow of night
You’re alright
And the shallow breath that you take
The way that you shake
But make no mistake
You’re never going to break
Track Name: You Move
You Move
Like a wave upon the ocean or a storm upon the sea
Oh my God you move me
Like the universe in motion for as far as we can see
Oh my God you move me
You move me
You move me
You’re everything I want
And all I ever need
You move me
You move me
And anywhere you are is where I want to be
Oh how you move me
Like the rising sun of spring time
Or autumn’s falling leaves
Oh my God you move me
Like the raging wing of winter
Or summer’s gentle breeze
Oh my God you move me
You move me
You move me
You’re everything I want
And all I ever need
You move me
You move me
And anywhere you are
Is where I want to be
No sitting down no standing still
My restless heart and stubborn will are yours
All yours to command
It’s like a wave upon the ocean
Like a storm upon the sea
It’s like the universe in motion for as far as we can see
It’s like the rising sun of spring time
Or the autumn’s falling leaves
It’s like the raging wind of winter
Or the summer’s gentle breeze
Track Name: To Know You
To Know You
I have been broken down and been lifted up
And then turned around
I have been set aside and marginalized
And then recognized
I have lived on the ropes unable to cope
And hoped against hope
Now I’ve been through it all
I’m making a choice
I do resolve
To know you
To know you
To know you is my one desire
I’ve been so short of sleep
Just holding my head up down in the deep
I’ve been unable to speak
For joy I’ve been weak well acquainted with grief
I’ve been caught in routine
Been kind and been mean through all that I’ve seen
Through the height and the depth the worst and the best
I make my request
To know you
To know you
To know you is my one desire
No corner hides from you
All I think and say and do is constantly in view
Soul and circumstance laid bare
Under a bright and burning stare
I’m in the shadow of a beautiful mystery
To know you
To know you
To know you is my one desire
Track Name: I Remember
I Remember
I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
And there can be no one else
I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me
And there can be no one else