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The More I Think I Understand The Less I Can Explain

by Brad Olsen

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Vitamin Anarchy
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Vitamin Anarchy These days, I go back and forth from atheist to agnostic. This song reminds me of the time I felt His presence overwhelm me too, and hope to feel it again someday.

Hopeful skeptic... Favorite track: Pretty Idols.
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1.
Pretty Idols 05:10
Pretty Idols You and I can sit awhile we’ll talk about my inner smile and all the things much better left unsaid You’ll sincerely try to understand the legend of my inner chan And all the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head You and I can take a look through pages of my any book the one that many lucky eyes have read And in the hope of being kind you’ll try to keep an open mind For all the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me And there can be no one else No one else should wonder why I’m here the situation’s very clear Just drink the wine and eat the daily bread of little lies and little truth Of many doubts and little proof And all the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me And there can be no one else No not one No not one pure and holy one right and true One lives in light unapproachable you One And in the hope of being kind you try to keep an open mind For all the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head All the pretty idols in my head But I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me I remember
2.
Time to Fall Apart Pick a place an empty space and I’ve been there already Through every door I’m reaching for you with a hand unsteady Woe is me I am undone But surely not the only one to lose his breath when he saw your face It’s time to fall apart Help me I’m undone You’re a work of art I can’t even look upon And I am overwhelmed By all that’s in your heart I can’t keep myself together now It’s time to fall apart Stretch out your hand unto a land so nearly now forsaken Scan to and fro on fields we sow lie in the bed we’re making I can’t even whisper much less shout Press my hand over my mouth as everything about me fades away It’s time to fall apart Help me I’m undone You’re a work of art I can’t even look upon And I am overwhelmed By all that’s in your heart I can’t keep myself together now It’s time to fall apart A voice like water falls on ears unfit to hear And forever begs the question who can I send Here I am Here I am It’s time to fall apart Help me I’m undone You’re a work of art I can’t even look upon And I am overwhelmed By all that’s in your heart I can’t keep myself together now It’s time to fall apart
3.
Be my All in All Yesterday I took a walk around myself Passed the place where I came from If the whole is something greater than its parts How great have I become Part good and bad wrong and right Prince of darkness child of light Nearly never satisfied I need someone to be my all in all The belly’s too big the plate it is too small All in all Northern knowledge southern style and western wealth Ought to be more than enough But time and time again I get taken down too far I feel like giving up Down where they say the same old lies that I believed too many times Only then to realize I need someone to be my all in all The belly’s too big the plate it is too small Two eyes too wide to see Two hands too weak to hold A heart too hard to love Keep lifting me up to let me fall I need someone to be my all in all The belly’s too big the plate it is too small I need someone to be my all in all The world is too big the pleasure is too small
4.
The Far Side of Regret Two certain over comers searching for comfort in the cold blank spaces in their minds So unreasonably set One at the window one by the door And it’s more than they can do to walk across the floor Maybe they’ll meet again on the far side of regret A certain friend of freedom becomes a slave again To the same recycled pattern he’s trying to forget The strong man falls before the weak A screaming voice with no right to speak Maybe there will be silence on the far side of regret Time and time and time again we’ve seen it all we’ve felt it all Line by line we try again To the far side of ourselves we crawl We’re crying out what’s it about There is no doubt We can’t even breathe We’re crying out what’s it about There is no doubt We can’t even breathe without you A certain aimless woman drifting through a love affair Trained by the child inside her to badly bet She drinks the cup again to end up dry Can’t remember when began the lie Maybe she’ll be satisfied on the far side of regret Time and time and time again we’ve seen it all we’ve felt it all Line by line we try again To the far side of ourselves we crawl We’re crying out what’s it about There is no doubt We can’t even breathe We’re crying out what’s it about There is no doubt We can’t even breathe without you The desert drenched the ocean dry The upright down left on his side The newborn crawls the old man flies The dust rains down on falling skies The stars below beneath above All peace is war all hate is love
5.
Uniform 03:20
Uniform For too long I’ve been on edge Too many nights awake on the ledge I am sure this was not your intent It’s only me who doesn’t know what you meant What you told me surely sold me But as a matter of course I’m feeling buyer’s remorse Still I’m wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform I’m standing still in an army of light Every shade and we’re all dressed in white Patiently wait for the song to begin I do my best to make my voice fit in And the sacred seal has never lost its appeal Yeah I’m sure it’s only me And too many nights of silence Still I’m wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform I’m on my mark set to start The shot rings out but I cannot go I’m in the tank short of strength But you call me out and without a doubt I know and you know I’ll be wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform Wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform I am wearing my uniform Wearing my uniform For too long I’ve been on edge Too many nights awake on the ledge
6.
My Girl Renee Drink an empty cup Upside down is right side up is right is left is left is right Is spinning to a stand still Sit in the sunny shade We’re only leaving if we stay pull it out put it away don’t If I won’t I will She knows just why I never know What not to say My girl Renee She sees me turning every way She knows exactly what to say My girl Renee Falling down to stand Walk on the ocean swim the land is can is can’t is can’t is can It’s all so open closing in the morning night by the frozen firelight Is right is wrong is wrong is right is not the way she rolls She’s never seen in any shade the color grey My girl Renee She sees me turning every way She knows exactly what to say My girl Renee And if your reasons take my legs from under me I’ll come crawling to your door Nobody understands the times She knows them well My girl Renee She sees me turning every way She talks to Jesus every day My girl Renee My girl Renee She knows exactly what to say She pleases me in every way My girl Renee
7.
I’ll just Say Goodbye I’ve got so much information but I’ve never been so dumb With all the words I should have said left sitting on my tongue I take one more look in glassy eyes your spirit is long gone I take my mother by the hand sign papers and we’re all done All done I go by the house where I first found out it’s good to be alive No surprise to weeping eyes just one car in the drive But your shadow still remains I still see you working on the lawn And as much as you would disapprove I can’t easily move on I will never know the reason Not this side of the pain The more I think I understand the less I can explain I will never know the reason Not this side of the pain So I’ll just say goodbye She was saying nothing and I said even less But you couldn’t weigh the tears There was no measuring the stress A little soul we’d never hold a sly devil’s test What put us here it isn’t clear It’s anybody’s guess All my words are missing another’s verse is on my mind “Rage, rage against the dying of the light” I never missed a theory never skipped a single prayer Now me and all my knowledge Can only sit and stare The only thing I know Is I can’t let you go The only thing I know Is I can’t let you go
8.
He Moves 03:47
He Moves Lift your head off your own shoulder Though it leaves you feeling older And your fire is growing colder With everyone you’re keeping warm Wring your hands don’t wring your heart out Rest yourself before you gift out Feel the wind but don’t you dare doubt You’ll bear up under the storm He moves in you he moves in me He moves in everything you see You don’t have to change the world all alone Lift your eyes and look above it No one said you’re going to love it If you have to push and shove it But then leave it where it lies What is there to do about it You can live with or without it Everyone might hear you shout it But they will never hear you cry In the hollow of night You’re alright And the shallow breath that you take The way that you shake But make no mistake You’re never going to break
9.
You Move 03:24
You Move Like a wave upon the ocean or a storm upon the sea Oh my God you move me Like the universe in motion for as far as we can see Oh my God you move me You move me You move me You’re everything I want And all I ever need You move me You move me And anywhere you are is where I want to be Oh how you move me Like the rising sun of spring time Or autumn’s falling leaves Oh my God you move me Like the raging wing of winter Or summer’s gentle breeze Oh my God you move me You move me You move me You’re everything I want And all I ever need You move me You move me And anywhere you are Is where I want to be No sitting down no standing still My restless heart and stubborn will are yours All yours to command It’s like a wave upon the ocean Like a storm upon the sea It’s like the universe in motion for as far as we can see It’s like the rising sun of spring time Or the autumn’s falling leaves It’s like the raging wind of winter Or the summer’s gentle breeze
10.
To Know You 04:09
To Know You I have been broken down and been lifted up And then turned around I have been set aside and marginalized And then recognized I have lived on the ropes unable to cope And hoped against hope Now I’ve been through it all I’m making a choice I do resolve To know you To know you To know you is my one desire I’ve been so short of sleep Just holding my head up down in the deep I’ve been unable to speak For joy I’ve been weak well acquainted with grief I’ve been caught in routine Been kind and been mean through all that I’ve seen Through the height and the depth the worst and the best I make my request To know you To know you To know you is my one desire No corner hides from you All I think and say and do is constantly in view Soul and circumstance laid bare Under a bright and burning stare I’m in the shadow of a beautiful mystery To know you To know you To know you is my one desire
11.
I Remember 08:36
I Remember I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me And there can be no one else I remember when the glory of his presence overwhelmed me And there can be no one else

about

It’s not Doubt I’m only Tired
It’s early morning
That’s my favorite time to sing
The song that’s empty
You can fill with anything
I begin with these words that you know I know how to say
Because it’s the same song I was singing yesterday
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah rescue me
The beast within me has been coming out to play
My idea of winning is barely holding him at bay
It’s just amazing how little I have changed
With fewer tomorrows than I have yesterdays
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah rescue me
And all at once
Am I left all alone
Broken and unknown
Am I all undone
Is there no one
Late in the evening I’ve got nothing left to say
I’m feeling the weight of all I dragged around today
And tears don’t suit me but I’m crying just the same
It’s hard to run free when you’re carrying the chains
Are you really the Messiah
Then come and rescue me
If I turned out to be a liar then who would set me free
It’s not doubt I’m only tired
Messiah I’m only tired

credits

released December 31, 2009

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Brad Olsen Atlanta, Georgia

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